In the last article, we talked about how ignoring is short-term comfort, but long-term self-sabotage that we do to ourselves without realizing it.
We said that even if we can't give up this behavior instantly, we can learn to live with it by recognizing it and making space for it, and we left the issue of how to live with it for this section.
Let's go through an example to stay true to the topic: Let's say I take on the role of the victim and face the fact that I am lazy.
A small disclaimer at this point: The story is fictional, but I'm going to build on the ideas. You can model a behavior from your own life that you can't change and that you find useless.
I've recognized my laziness. I'm no longer in denial about it. Now I have two paths in front of me: Either I will say, "Okay, brother, I am a lazy person, let the world accept me as such" and leave the subject alone... Or I will look for ways to change this state; I will get better in small steps, even if not in one fell swoop.
I see this as a behavior that I see in myself, that I cannot change, that I think is not beneficial to me, then it makes more sense to take the second path. Because if I follow this path, I can evolve into a better, more productive, healthier version of myself.
That means I need to make a move to solve it so that I can evolve into a better version of myself, so that I can be happier, more peaceful, healthier.
Thanks to the story, we have brought the subject to a certain point; now let's examine it from a philosophical and scientific point of view.
Philosophical and Scientific Background
Historical and Philosophical Perspective
Oftentimes, when one faces one's own reality, a silent discussion begins in one's mind: "I know this, so what should I do now?"
This is a question that philosophers and thinkers throughout history have addressed.
Aristotle, emphasizing the concept of phronesis, or practical wisdom, explains that knowledge alone is not enough. (1*) Unless knowledge is used in life at the right time, in the right measure and in the right way, it remains only a mental burden. This perspective shows that awareness does not have to be put into action immediately; it must first be digested, matured within, and then we use it when the time is right.
Epictetus, from the Stoic perspective, says that we must distinguish between what is in our control and what is not. (2*) Recognizing a truth does not necessarily create pressure to change it immediately. Accepting the parts of ourselves that we cannot change or transform immediately, learning to live with them, but at the same time making improvements in the parts that are within our control so that we can become a better version of ourselves, shows us the process by which knowledge transforms us.
Montaigne also emphasizes that self-reflection and an honest look at oneself do not always have to result in action. (3*) For him, knowing is sometimes merely an invitation to live more consciously.
From these perspectives, we see that knowing this truth engages us in the "art of living" rather than the obligation to change. Rather than being a call to duty, mindfulness is a silent companion that makes a place for itself in life.
Scientific approach
Psychology and neuroscience tell us this: The human mind needs a period of acclimatization and digestion before going through any change.(4, 5*)
When a new awareness arises, it does not immediately translate into behavior.
First there is emotional and mental adjustment; our inner world accepts the presence of new informationand learns to live with it. (6*) Therefore "not being able to change immediately" is not actually a pathological condition, but a purely human process.
Also, behavioral changes never proceed in a straight line. Rather, it fluctuates: Sometimes there is a sense of progress, sometimes there are setbacks.
The incorporation of knowledge into life often happens in a quiet, slow and invisible way. Before you know it, a new way of behaving has become part of your life. (7*)
From this perspective, change is not a race; it is a journey that matures over time, finding its inner rhythm.
Social and Cultural Impacts
Awareness has almost become a performance criterion in the modern world. It is perceived as an external task rather than an internal discovery.
Now, as soon as we realize a truth, we feel pressure to act immediately: "If you know it, you must do it, otherwise you are a failure."
The speed and performance-oriented approach of personal development culture increases this pressure even more.
Social media success stories, content promising rapid transformation and calls to "change now" position mindfulness as an outcome rather than a process.
But true mindfulness is a seed that needs to mature internally; it cannot be expected to bear fruit immediately.
This naturally creates an internal tension. When we rush to change a behavior that we ourselves have noticed, we begin to feel inadequate when the change is delayed or not visible.
But the value of mindfulness is not in its speed, but in its quiet penetration into our lives.
Real Problems and Solution Suggestions
What is wrong with the current system?
In the world we live in today, there is a perception that as soon as we realize any truth, we have to immediately apply it to our lives. As if knowing automatically means "doing immediately"...
This puts an invisible pressure on the human mind. Even a small awareness, if it doesn't translate into immediate action, creates guilt in us.
To escape this guilt, avoidance of the truth, ignoring it, disregarding it, ignoring it, goes on and on.
What happens when we realize a truth but fail to act?
A guilt arises in us: "I know this, but I still haven't changed it."
Then we become angry with ourselves: "Why am I so weak-willed?"
Finally, there is a judgmental belief: "There must be something wrong with me."
This cycle prevents awareness from being good for us and, on the contrary, creates a pressure that destroys inner peace.
Rather than a call to duty, mindfulness should first be a companion that quietly creeps into our lives. We don't have to turn it into action immediately; we have to learn to digest it, to live with it.
But... What should we do?
When we invite awareness into our lives, it is often a hidden trap that we set for ourselves to expect it to turn into action immediately.
True transformation does not happen in a hurry, but only with patience. This is why the most valuable steps we can take on the journey of change are small and internal.
When we realize a truth, instead of blaming ourselves for not changing it the next day, we can allow this awareness to settle in our minds. Knowledge must first mature within us so that it can be transformed into behavior.
I was quite overweight for a period of time in the early years of my marriage. I was uncomfortable with this situation, I was confronted with the fact that I was overweight. But no matter what I tried, the weight was not going down and things were not going well for me. So I said, obviously I have to live with this reality.
When I say live, I don't mean to cry and be miserable because I am overweight all the time, but I just think I have to get used to living with the awareness of this situation.
If you ask what living with this has brought me, I did research with my big belly, I learned that my metabolism is slow.
I was not satisfied with this new information, I started to observe my own behavior. I was even going to the grocery store by car, I started walking.
When that feeling of laziness came, I got up and walked somewhere, if there was garbage to be thrown away, I went running, I rode my bicycle to work and back, etc., just facing the truth without resisting this feeling helped me overcome the weight problem to a great extent.
At that time, friends were asking me, Cenk, do you have a disease, why have you lost so much weight?
No matter how much I said I was conscious, I couldn't convince them.
Good times.
Conclusion and Message to the Reader
Some truths don't radically change our lives, but they silently transform how we stand in the world, how we view ourselves and life.
When we become aware of a truth, even if we have not yet changed it, that in itself is progress.
Taking the example from the beginning; I realized that I am lazy and a week has passed and I am still lazy.
In this case, instead of beating myself up, I can say, "It's okay."
"At least I can find a solution to this situation when I feel like it or at a convenient time."
With this very thought, we begin to take steps to overcome it little by little over time.
Awareness is a journey, not an arrival. Just realize that.
What about in your life?
Is there a truth that you are aware of right now, that you have not changed, but that does not leave you as comfortable as before? Because this realization is the beginning of another process in itself. First an acceptance, then maybe a small action...
Facing some realities in our lives does not mean that we have to change them immediately. Awareness creeps quietly into our lives first, sometimes manifesting itself in a thought, sometimes in a small change of habit. Change often matures with patience, not in a hurry.
The important thing is to learn to carry this awareness without judging ourselvesand allow it to start a natural transformation within us.
In closing, I would like to remind you of this: Being honest with yourself is not a race. Sometimes just knowing is enough to start living more consciously.
This is where the power of daily routines comes into play. Because often big transformations begin with the silent impact of small habits. In the next article, we will look at the power of daily routines, whether it is possible to make a big difference with small habits, and discover together how this process seeps into our lives and transforms us.
Till then, stay in truth, love and peace.
Source
- Aristotle. Ethics of Nicomacheus. (Translated by. Saffet Babür) Turkish İş Bankası Kültür Yayınları, 2016.
- Epictetus. Sohbetler ve Seçme Yazılar. (Translated by Candan Şentuna) Say Yayınları, 2018.
- Montaigne, Michel de. Denemeler. (Trans. Sabahattin Eyüboğlu) Türkiye İş Bankası Kültür Yayınları, 2021.
- Baumeister, R. F., & Tierney, J. Irade: Discovering the Greatest Power of Human Nature. (Translated by Baris Satli) Pegasus Publications, 2014.
- Immunity To Change, R. Kegan & L. Lahey
- Gollwitzer, P. M. (1999). Implementation intentions: Strong effects of simple plans. American Psychologist, 54(7), 493-503
- Duhigg, C. The Power of Habits. (Translated by Doruk Ülgen) Varlık Yayınları, 2013.
