In previous articles, we discussed the comfort and costs of ignoring things. We then examined how we can remain resilient while confronting the truth; and then whether it is possible to make our emotions work in our favor through conscious repetition.
Up to this point, everything was in its place.
But life doesn't move in a straight line.
Sometimes there are moments when the patterns we consciously repeat are no longer enough. Things that we thought worked for a period of time may no longer benefit us.
In fact, the same routines can even become a burden at some point.
Then we find ourselves thinking things like:
"I had it all so nicely set up... I was in control.
Where did this come from now?
Nothing I do works."
And we can feel ourselves being dragged down, as if the ground were being pulled out from under our feet.
In this article, we will first discuss why the routines we consciously established no longer work; then we will look for ways to remain stable under changing conditions, to maintain balance without becoming rigid.
Now, let's examine the topic together from philosophical and scientific perspectives, as always...
What can we do in this situation?
How can we maintain our inner peace when our emotions are changing?
Philosophical Perspective
Is continuity enough to remain constant?
Heraclitus - On Flow and Change
Let's start with Heraclitus' famous saying:
"You cannot step into the same river twice." Because the flowing water is not the water you left behind; you, stepping into it, are no longer the same person either. The flow of life is exactly like this.
Our emotions, our thoughts, our inner world... None of them remain static like a stone; they are all in a state of constant flux. (1*)
Why do routines that work at first become insufficient at some point?
Because they are actually bridges we build to catch the flow of life; but if we linger on the bridge, we can no longer follow the flow.
Routines, initially a support, can become a burden over time.
One day, the habits we started with the thought, 'If I do this every day, I'll stay balanced,' turn into a voice whispering inside us, 'It's not enough anymore.
The fundamental issue here is this: The problem is not changing; it is insisting on not changing.
Life does not allow us to remain static. We either bend and move with the flow, or we break where we have hardened. Continuity only makes sense with flexibility, not stubbornness.
Stoicism (Epictetus / Marcus Aurelius) - The Illusion of Control
As life's flow changes, the areas we inevitably cannot control also increase.
This is precisely where the Stoics remind us: The more we cling to things beyond our control, the more our inner order is shaken. (2*)
Routines that initially provided support can, after a while, become rituals we maintain solely to give us a "sense of control."
We feel as if we will completely lose our balance if we neglect them. At this point, it is critical to recognize the fine line between inner discipline and rigidity. Because, according to the Stoics, happiness comes from accepting what we cannot control and doing only what we can.
Our inner peace is not a result of external circumstances; it is a result of our own approach .
Scientific Perspective
Along with the flow of life, our inner world is also constantly changing. This change is not only a philosophical truth, but also biologically reflected in the functioning of our bodies. Maintaining inner balance is not, as we might think, merely a matter of "maintaining the same order"; it is possible through adaptation.
The Nervous System and Flexibility
Neuroscience - Regulation & Adaptation
Modern neuroscience and psychology research shows that our nervous system needs not only stability but also adaptation. Studies conducted in recent years, in particular, have detailed the effects of routines and repetitive patterns on the nervous system:
To summarize briefly, what is happening in our brains boils down to this:
Our nervous system needs a constant cycle of stimulation and relaxation, but if the same stimuli continue for too long, it can trigger our brain's "threat detection" mechanism. (3*)
These findings make it clear: The nervous system needs to be able to adapt to both continuity and change.
Routines that initially benefit us can eventually become burdensome; because our system requires not only a repetitive pattern, but also the capacity to adapt to change.
From this, we can understand that the nervous system's need is not merely order; it is an adaptability that can respond to change.
Psychology - Emotional Exhaustion
Aaron T. Beck's 1976 cognitive therapy studies and Richard S. Lazarus's 1984 theory of stress and coping have shown that people who can change their thought and behavior patterns experience less exhaustion in the face of stress. (4*)
Stephen Porges's 1995 Polyvagal Theory shows that the nervous system needs both safe routines and variable stimuli; it demonstrates that disrupting this balance triggers chronic stress responses. (3*)
George A. Bonanno's 2004 and 2010 post-traumatic adaptation studies show that individuals who demonstrate emotional flexibility are better protected from burnout and long-term psychological distress. (5*)
Looking at it from this perspective, we see that;
Routines that are initially supportive can, over time, turn into an invisible pressure within us, accompanied by the feeling that "if I don't do this, I'll fall apart." The effort to maintain what works may provide short-term security, but in the long run, it can lead to emotional burnout. Resilience focuses solely on weathering the storm; flexibility requires bending with the wind and then straightening back up. Trying to apply the same method in every situation (i.e., sticking to a single strategy despite changing circumstances) can invite burnout. (6*)
At some point, our inner voice whispers:
"I was doing this, it was working... So why isn't it enough now?"
This moment is when we realize that the internal order we have established has become rigid and no longer serves us.
Emotional balance is not a fixed pattern; it is a living and flexible structure. The way to maintain this balance is to develop an inner flexibility that can adapt to change.
Real Problem and Solution Suggestions
The Real Problem
Rigidification of Routines
Sometimes, routines that initially seem beneficial and organize our lives can, without us realizing it, turn into sources of internal pressure. That order, which was reassuring at the beginning, eventually feels like the only pillar supporting life. Now, disrupting it creates deep unease within us. This pressure can lead to a buildup of stress on the nervous system in the long term. (7*)
The problem isn't the routine itself. The problem is that it takes the place of life itself.
Routine is a support at first; but if we cling to it too much, we come to define our own life energy through it.
We may hear a voice inside us saying:
"If I don't do this, my life will fall apart."
And one day, when we break that routine, this thought comes:
"Did I fail at this too? I can't even follow my own rules."
At that moment, we realize that the routine is no longer a safe harbor; it has turned into a silent, invisible chain that exerts pressure.
When rigidity sets in, the flexibility of our system is lost, and we become fragile in the face of even the slightest change. This is the real enemy of inner balance: losing flexibility and becoming rigid in the face of change.
Solution Suggestions
In the flow of life, we may feel that routines, unnoticed over time, turn into internal pressure. At this point, what we need to do to maintain our inner balance is to re-evaluate those routines and be flexible when necessary.
Re-evaluating Routines
We can start by asking ourselves this question:
"Is this routine still serving me?"
If our answer is uncertain or no, then it's time to rethink that routine.
Sometimes, reducing, transforming, or completely abandoning the same routine may be the right step. And let's not forget that letting go is not a failure; on the contrary, it is a sign of inner flexibility.
Temporary Rhythms
Life does not progress in a straight line; it has periodic rhythms. So sometimes asking ourselves, "What is sufficient for this period?" helps us establish continuity not with rigidity, but with flexibility. Adjusting our routines according to the period preserves both balance and vitality.
Micro Practices - Flexible Schedules
The goal here is not to set rigid rules, but to strengthen inner balance with small flexibilities.
For example:
Saying "today" instead of "every day,"
Focusing on intention rather than time,
Relaxing a little instead of disrupting the rhythm...
Perhaps sometimes what we need to do is not tighten the rhythm, but allow it to breathe.
Summary and Message to the Reader
The New Way to Keep Going
The flow of life often reminds us that there is not just one right answer. Sometimes, even when we've done our best, a voice inside us whispers, "this is no longer enough..."
That is the moment when it is time to re-examine our inner order. Because continuity is not stubbornly persisting with the same thing; it is being able to change the rhythm when necessary.
At this point, it is useful to remind ourselves:
Continuity does not mean stubbornness, just as discipline does not necessarily mean rigidity.
Thinking of our internal order as a fixed and unchanging structure leads us to a point where we feel trapped.
Maintaining balance amid life's waves is only possible if we can be flexible.
Loosening or transforming routines when necessary is not losing; it is finding ourselves again.
In closing, I would like to leave you with a small question:
"What if true maturity lies not in maintaining the rhythm, but in being able to change it at the right time?"
It is precisely at this point that we need to pause and recognize another distinction.
Is every stretch, every effort to adapt, truly healthy?
Or is what we sometimes call "being flexible" just a more acceptable way of quietly retreating from a difficult truth?
Because while loosening the rhythm can be good at times, in other moments, this loosening can unknowingly turn into an escape.
While we think we are protecting ourselves, could we actually be distancing ourselves from what we need to face?
In the next article, we will look at where flexibility empowers us and where it secretly undermines us, and how we can distinguish between adapting and avoiding.
Until then, stay with love and harmony.
References and Inspirational Texts
- Heraclitus – Fragments
- Epictetus – Enchiridion / Marcus Aurelius – Meditations
- Stephen Porges – The Polyvagal Theory
- Aaron T. Beck – Cognitive Therapy and the Emotional Disorders
- George A. Bonanno – Loss, Trauma, and Human Resilience
- Richard S. Lazarus – Stress, Appraisal, and Coping
- Bruce McEwen – Allostatic Load
